boyfriend – fire or water

Temporary.

How does one realize a person was temporary? When does your stomach stop aching from anxiety as you watch them disappear? I sit and stare at the door wishing I’d see it turn. But when it does, my heart stops knowing you’re going to to vanish once again.

I didn’t wait three years to say goodbye to the person that was my heart’s keeper. What do I do with it now? It’s left in my hand, pieces falling as I don’t know what to do. You were the protector and the guardian. Now you’re the invader.

I thought forever was a promise, but just like you it was temporary.

-Fire.

Seasonal.

fire

That word cuts into my heart the same way those texts to other women did. How can someone be seasonal?

You weren’t seasonal when I carried your child for a short blessing. When I moved in with you. When you held me at my friends funeral. Or when I held you at your brother’s. You weren’t seasonal when I was planning a family with you or hinting at a proposal.

How can someone be seasonal? And why does it seem I always am for everyone in life?

-fire

Withdrawal.

Uncategorized

Trigger*** I talk about drugs in a symbolic manner on this post!

You my love, are my drug. But you aren’t here anymore. You left with me in the depths of my own demons.

The feeling of losing control and not knowing what to do. The cold sweats and sleepless nights. The side of the bed you’re supposed to be occupying. The constant panic of needing you next to me. It wasn’t until you drifted to the next one that I understood the addiction you caused in me.

I relied on you and depended on you. What makes me any different than those that are labeled junkies? Now that I can’t fill myself with your attention and physical presence, I feel myself falling apart. The constant feeling you’re falling in a dream, only I won’t wake up. A never ending nightmare.

-water.